Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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