Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
