Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
