he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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