ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
