she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
