It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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