do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
