i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
