We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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