I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
