I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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