I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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