You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
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I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
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So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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