I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
