You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize