Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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