singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
