Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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