Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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