You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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