just come out here and I will go home with you...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
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She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
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At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.