3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.