You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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