Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.