she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
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I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
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If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.