Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
