I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I pour the whiskey from now on
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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