Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
