There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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