she looked like the before picture.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
