All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Small penises have feelings too.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
