so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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