He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
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He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
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Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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