turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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