so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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