The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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