a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize