We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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