he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
