I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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