so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
