Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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