then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
