After last night, I could never be a politician.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
third nipple confirmed
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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