I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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