Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
