i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
