Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
