Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
