I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
