remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Randomize
