So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
