Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
