so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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