I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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