i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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