i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
