awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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