Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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