i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
