The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
