I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
