Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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