I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
