first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
