So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
