i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
