i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
