nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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