There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
