Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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