The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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