I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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