I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
