JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
