hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think I died a long time ago.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
