Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
being pregnant is like rehab
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
