Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
