Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wish you could order shots online.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
