Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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