Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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