what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
