And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
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And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
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I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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