you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
