some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
