I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
