found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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