Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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