i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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